Oh, yeah, it was St. Patrick’s Day, and I was dealing with requests for help with people’s soda bread, or some such.
WASHINGTON — President Bush nominated infinitely rapacious cosmic entity Galactus on Thursday to be his new interior secretary.
If confirmed by the Senate, Galactus, 11 Billion, will replace Gale Norton, who resigned last week.
Bush said Galactus, Third Force of the Universe and Devourer of Worlds, wields the Power Cosmic and has broad experience needed for eating the 388 parks of the National Park system, 544 wildlife refuges and more than 260 million acres of multiple-use lands located mainly in 12 Western states, in addition to the rest of the planet.
“Galan understands that those who live closest to the land know how to manage it best, and he will begin preparations to digest our planet immediately,” Bush said.
Galactus promised to construct giant machines in the heart of Manhattan in order to “suck the very essence from the land and consume the natural resources with which your planet has been blessed.”
His chances of Senate confirmation are greatly increased by his godlike endurance, immesurable intelligence, omnipotence and possession of the Ultimate Nullifier. The Senate rarely turns down cosmic beings of utter destruction, and Republicans hold the majority with 55 of 100 seats.
“Galactus is a strong nominee,” said Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn. “I look forward to his swift confirmation by the Senate.”
But for some reason, not everyone seems to have liked this idea.
Barbara Miller, a citizen activist in northern Idaho who has fought for decades to get more health screening for local people affected by historic lead and zinc pollution from the Bunker Hill Mine, said Galactus has an interest in eating the planet Earth, at the expense of the environment.
See, now, those pesky fault-finding tree-huggers, they’ll complain about just anything.